Playing your cards right

February 13, 2012

There is no way to avoid it: Valentines Day is tomorrow.

If you're attached to another person but can't stand the insipid greeting cards at the pharmacy and don't want to support the carbon footprint of hothouse roses, you still have options.

And if you're single, there are ways to enjoy the day even more than the coworkers who are cooing over one another's completely predictable gifts.

Here are some of your options:

You could pay through the nose for a gift basket that will arrive at her home or office tomorrow, but that is what you did last year, right?

The good news is that the rise of Groupon and other sites offering bargains on delayed gratification have brought back the I.O.U. Remember writing those to Mom and Dad for holiday gifts, then never really allowing them to be redeemed for mowing the lawn or cleaning the cat's litter box? Now an I.O.U. is a promise of a fantastic time/product/meal. They don't have to be for ballroom or salsa dance lessons together. Put off the real time and expense involved by choosing a warm-weather trip, like surfing lessons or a hike at Acadia National Park tucked inside a guidebook.

More immediately, an I.O.U. could be the way to thrill your hipster girlfriend with a promise of a week of veganism, showing her that you can identify with the inevitable movement that won't allow the exploitation of animals (just remember to dispose of the McDonald's wrappers in the neighbor's trash that week because she will look). Or show that you've been paying attention with this vegan-friendly twist on a traditional Valentine.

If that doesn't satisfy his/her image of you pondering at length about the right way to express your deep affection and devotion, how about a mix tape, circa 1999? You can burn a CD tonite using one of these playlists. (Remember all of that Adele music is about break-ups, so you might want to avoid those songs, or put them on a different CD.) Then all you'll have to do is think of some reasons why these songs are significant to your relationship. Good luck with that.

Your desperate, last-ditch option is to run by the animal shelter on your way to her house tonite. Adopt a kitten or puppy. Stop at the pharmacy for a red bow to tie around its neck. Present the animal as proof that you're not commitment-phobic. But beware that it may replace you in her affections, as this article says. But maybe that's what you wanted?

If you're single, you can just sit back and laugh at the contortions that others are going through to score points on this day. You can point out the ridiculousness of the situation. You could go to the anti-Valentine flirt fest in Boston tonite. Or you could do a free trial on one of those dating websites. Yeah, why not? You could just laugh at the puffed-up profiles, photos of tattoos and tanlines. And wait to find out who won the free divorce in West Virginia.